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Things you will learn if you move to Thailand or spend any considerable amount of time in the Land of Smiles.
1. How to cut meat with a spoon.
A spoon and a fork are the only utensils you will get it Thailand (and the occasional chopsticks) and they are all you need. You can use them to eat chicken, steak, fish, and anything else imaginable.
2. Geckos move way too fast.
The tiny critters are everywhere and are completely harmless, but they have a way of scaring the shit out of you when they dart away with supernatural speed every time you turn on a light.
3. You’ve never wanted a new suit or a massage less in your life.
Months after leaving Bangkok, you’ll still have nightmares of people on the street shouting “Suit! Want to buy a suit?!?” “Massage! Massage! Thai massage!” You also don’t want to buy that wooden frog that makes a noise.
4. You did not look as cool and unique as you thought you did when you looked like this in college.
Hippies are just as conformist as the rest of us.
5. It’s totally acceptable to eat fried chicken for breakfast.
Fried chicken and sticky rice is a typical way to start your day in Thailand.
6. Christmas is just as popular in majority-Buddhist countries.
Thai’s love the Christmas spirit and Thai kids know Christmas carols.
7. Time is subject to interpretation, and that’s a good thing.
If a train is due at 3:00 it will arrive at 5:00. If a meeting is planned for noon, it will start at 1:30. This means everything is relaxed, carefree, and easy going.
8. You really, really love bread and cheese.
If you live in the countryside bread and cheese is hard to find, and it is rare in the cities unless you want to overpay at a farang restaurant. But man, is it delicious. Never has the ancient cheese/oral sex philosophical query been easier to answer.
9. Ping-pong has a whole different meaning.
When a tuk-tuk driver asks “ping pong?” he’s not challenging you to a match…
10. No matter where you go in the world, McDonalds will always taste the same (and that is strangely comforting).
11. McDonalds delivers, and so does KFC.
12. Poo, Pee, Butt, and Ass are perfectly acceptable nicknames.
13. Animal parts deemed “inedible” are actually quite delicious.
Lung, stomach, heart, liver and feet all make amazing Thai dishes.
14. You can eat out for every meal of the day and only spend $3 USD.
15. Everything goes better with cucumbers.
Almost every dish in Thailand is served with a side of cucumbers and cabbage/green beans. It turns out, cucumbers are the perfect vegetable to mellow out spicy flavors.
16. Tourists can be very annoying.
You know you were just like them not long ago, but now they just get on your nerves.
17. If you want to eat dinner before 5 pm, that’s not a problem.
Food is eaten at all times of the day in Thailand. So, if you’re hungry but its only 4 o’clock, dig in!